Follow your (Practical) Dreams
I SHIH TZU NOT
By Just a Bald Guy
Around 1995 or so, during the winter of my twelfth-grade year. I was walking our Shih Tzu with my dad. She was a tiny dog, couldn't walk fast, so the walks were a good excuse to talk. Back then we still had a bit of a relationship, rocky though it may be. We were both men struggling to articulate.
>On this particular night I was talking about possible careers. I told my father the dream: to program/design video games. Mind you, in the 90s this was still a niche career. eSports hadn't launched. The Internet was in its infancy (and still capitalized). Games were largely games, seen by Boomers like my parents as a waste of time and money.
This night though I was happy and explaining what I wanted to do. After I stopped, my dad crushed it all. He said "You'd have to move far away for something like that. California, probably. We'd never see you. And you don't even know if that's a real career."
At the time, my still developing cerebrum couldn't handle much so I thought, "Oh. Yeah, that makes sense I suppose. Better rethink this."
WE ARE PROGRAMMED TO RECEIVE
I went to a local college, ready for a career in computer science, thinking I'd at least be able to get into the burgeoning field and play around with the tech that so enamored me. One of my instructors mentioned how he searched Google for "frog" and got about 4,000 results. We thought that was beyond insane to have so many hits. Searching for that now yields "about" 443,000,000 results.
I became hooked on psychology and switched majors. Fearing my dad was right, I pursued something I enjoyed but unknowingly something that paid little and required a fair amount of oversight. I'd go on to get both a BS and MA in this field, and though I still love the subject the fact that I've worked in a call center, taught psychology online, worked as a janitor, and am now teaching middle school science spoils the surprise: I never got licensed.
So, the point to this meandering? I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm grateful some yahoo is giving me the chance to vent a bit. I think though it really comes down to “why on Earth did my dad say that?”. What was he wanting to accomplish? He could have said "Son, that sounds awesome. Selfishly, I'd miss you, and would have to deal with that on my own. But your happiness is paramount, so if this programing this is what you want, I'll support you." Imagine how different it'd be. Then I'D be the clever guy writing a review bot mashed up with Mad Libs or creating LOFOES for the nth time. Oh, how mighty I'd be!
TOO MANY HANDS ON MY TIME, TOO MANY FEELINGS
No, I know it's not necessarily that easy. Nor given. I do though know how devastated I'd feel throughout the years as I replayed this conversation many times in my mind. My relationship with my father deteriorated over the years to a formality at best. He's had a ton of issues and struggled with many things, and now we don't ever speak past a surface talk of how the Cowboys are doing or him updating me on the people who live in his apartment complex.
I’m working hard to keep this from interfering with my own girls. They’re teens now, getting close to the time where my dad and I fell out. Knowing what happened, I’m working hard to keep my girls close while being supportive and honest.
